Psssst ... Come Here ... We Need to Talk

Let's face it, the Sarbanes-Oxley bubble has burst and the economy is taking its toll. If we want to protect ourselves, it’s time for another rash of paranoia. This time, though, we need something more enduring, something that gets right to the heart of people’s fear. And I’ve got the answer. 

Let’s bring back Y2K. Now, I know that is so nine years ago. But, think about it. The paranoia of all computers going down really hit people where they live, and auditing was able to jump right in the middle and make a killing on the opportunities. So, with that in mind, we all need to spread the rumor of Y2.01K.

“What’s that?” you ask. The story we’ll spread is that, in the haste to get everything up to speed for Y2K, programmers had to hardcode the middle two zeroes. That means that all systems will grind to a halt in 2010. Now, there isn’t much time, but if we spread the word now — Bang! — instant jobs for everyone.

But that’s just a stop-gap solution. Y2.01K just scratches the surface of opportunities. (And, no, I’m not talking about Y2.025K or Y2.1K or any Y2s.)

The answer to long-term employment for all of us? Y3K.

Here’s the cover story. The changes from Y2K allowed room for plenty of numbers. However, because programmers were in such a hurry, they were forced to use Roman numerals. (Why Roman numerals? Who knows? Once the Internet gets hold of this, the same conspiracy theorists who dream up reasons why the moon walk didn’t really happen and try to figure out who really shot JR will make up the excuses for us.) The real troubles will occur because, in the programmers’ haste, they only allowed room for two M's. In other words, computers will crash at the year 3,000 — MMM.

And to make it better, we actually have less than a thousand years. You know those wacky Roman numerals — sometimes they work by subtracting from themselves, so the year 2999 is MMMI. I can’t figure out when three M's would really appear first, but no one else will be able to either, and that would just make the panic that much greater.

We can do this if we all work together. All we’ve got to do is get these rumors spread, and it’s the gravy train for all of us.

Tell a friend — preferably one who will post anything to the Web.

Posted on Jul 30, 2009 by Melissa

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  1. Hey Mike,

    2999 is MMCMXCIX, not MMMI (3001).

  1. Tim

    That's the great thing about using Roman numerals.  Nobody understands them, so we can just build on paranoia.  Who knows when the first use of triple M's will occur?  You don't!  I don't either.  Ohmygosh - we need the auditors!!!!!

  1. Homeland Security is watching this space, because only Al Queda could come up with such a dire threat to the US economy! 

    But don't worry, because German efficiency at SAP will take care of the Italian threat through resilient and agile programming. If we start now, we should be done just in time.

  1. Okay Tim.  Now my daughter is even trying to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.  Seems MMMI would be 3001.  But I still stand by everything else I've said.

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